Insomnia

Safeness in this house -
All are asleep
To which end I find myself
Awake
Alone
Again
Pondering what have done
And who I have become
Gone are the silly days of childhood -
No cares, no worries -
How they were taken for granted!
Today is the day I am grown -
Days sillier still
Full of idleness and woe
Over things that might have been prevented
Things that are now lost,
Or are to be lost
To this end have I come,
Grown and despisable,
A broken creature and sad
I curl my pain beneath me,
Bury my head in it
And withhold breaking sobs -
I am not finished playing strong.
Reach my hand across the gap -
Flip off the light
And settle in for a sleepless night,
Listening to the nothingness in the dark,
A faint moonbeam cast across my bedsheet.
At least for now in this house
All is still.

9-15-2000